How to fold a fitted sheet: Stand with feet apart. Sacrifice a goat. Trust the void. *Distant screaming* Panic. Throw sheet into ocean.
If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.
God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.
After a few days without my phone, I've learned what's really important in life. My phone.
Kanye asking Mark Zuckerberg for $1billion on Twitter is like walking into an Apple store and asking to speak to Bill Gates.