TRUMP: "millions voted illegally for clinton" ME: "how do you know?" TRUMP: "i know exactly what illegal votes look like never mind"
*at the pet store* "birds are popular, huh?" "why do you say that?" "they're flying off the shelves" "get out"
fun news: i am scheduled to perform standup comedy on Conan this tuesday. thanks to everyone for everything! Link
when Dave dies, they should change the name to Ghost & Busters.
"the problem is you're not likable" "but i charge & headbutt you all the time" "no no. you ARE like a bull. that's why you're not likable"