Wives cannot motivate their husbands by withholding respect. Husbands cannot motivate their wives by withholding love.
It’s more powerful to meet someone else’s needs to soften their heart than to demand someone to soften their heart to meet your need.
Assume goodwill. Distinguish between snapshots of your spouse and a video of your spouse’s entire life.
You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.