Can't seem to lose weight. Tried everything: tater tots, doing nothing, drinking. Maybe it's genetic?
FIVE NOISES I HOPE JEFF GOLDBLUM MAKES IN JURASSIC WORLD II:
3. Ah- ah, yes...
4. Ohh... (darkly)
5. Ohh... (sexual)
Billy Bush giving his entire $10MM severance from NBC to womens charities proves that people CAN work to be better #ThanksBilly
HOW TO FIX THE OSCARS
-Add murder mystery theme (victim: Jeremy Renner)
-Winners must eat an Oscar made of fudge
-Somehow make them longer