Our daughter, Andrew Winifred Volpe born 5/14/12 7:42 AM 6 lbs. 15 oz. 19 inches She's very attractive!
Just a reminder: when this horrifyingly entertaining reality show ends in November, the winner will be the president of the United States.
"Don't Mess with Texas...." I wish every state had its own vague threat.
So today, I was headed back from my lunch break, on my way out of the super-depressing mall by my work, when I walked by the Easter Bunny. He/she/it was sitting forlornly on a faux, white-picket throne in the middle of a nightmarish, AstroTurfed Easter fantasy corral. A placard read, "Easter Bunny Photo Line Forms Here." It was an enthusiastic sign, posted in the belief that fans of the Easter Bunny would come in droves; but this was not to be. Orange County octogenarians turned out to be the wrong demographic for the fantasy creature photo-op market. No one came. The Bunny just sat there, looking at the floor. It took the general psychological malaise of the mall to a new low. I walked up and stood at the front of the line. "I would like to take a photo with the Easter Bunny," I said. The Easter Bunny looked up at me slowly. A young man in a tucked-in, pastel polo shirt suddenly popped up from behind a plastic bush and said, "Really?" He seemed pretty excited. I said, "Yeah, of course. It's the Easter Bunny. How much?" "Ummm..." he said, suddenly hesitant. "They start at $21.99. That's for a 5-by-7." The handler winced. He spoke as though he was apologizing for hitting my car. "Really?" I said, "Wow." I tried really hard to rationalize spending 22 dollars on a photo of myself, a grown man, with the Easter Bunny. I couldn't. "It's okay," said the young man quietly. "Nobody wants to pay that much." The Bunny looked back down at the floor. I was now somehow involved in an intense melodrama with bizarre overtones of Catholic guilt. "Well, I WOULD pay that much," I said, trying to perk up the Easter Bunny. "If my daughter were here, we'd TOTALLY get a photo!" I looked over at the sad, white monstrosity. It sighed. For a moment, I briefly considered asking the handler if he thought it was strange to celebrate the execution of an ancient God-man by taking pictures in a mall with an enormous, anthropomorphic rabbit who embodied Pagan fertility rituals. But no. I thought it would be better if I kept that to myself. "Come here, Easter Bunny," I said, walking over to it. The Bunny suddenly stood and walked toward me, arms extended. "Bring it in," I said, embracing the small, androgynous person inside the foam costume. "You're doing a great job, alright? The whole team here. Everything looks awesome. I love the... egg... candy... facade thing you've got there." The Bunny nodded and hopped up and down. The handler nodded with a smile. I said goodbye and walked away with my head held high. I think I made a real difference in the world today.
"I'm sorry, what's your excuse for oversleeping on Easter...? Jesus got up on time... and He was DEAD."
My daughter! I love her! Link