Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Porn is such bullshit bc there’s no way a guy with tribal tattoos has a mortgage on a house with a spiral staircase & travertine floors.
The number of hashtags you use on Instagram pix is equal to the number of psych meds you should be on.
me: how old is your baby? her: 46 weeks me, struggling w/the math: may i offer him a beer?