I work at a fucking sandwich shop with a camera watching me my entire shift. Maybe it's time to do the same thing to police. #Fergsuon
Trying to steer a conversation to the same place it ended years ago so I can finally deliver my well crafted comeback, is my superpower.
Falling asleep eating dinosaur chicken nuggets is the closest I've ever come to seeping with someone like Chris Pratt.
Instead of a Fitbit I need a Shitbit that just tells me how many steps I need to take to get my shit together.