"Oh wow, I was so skinny 5 years ago." -me, 5 years from now, every 5 years, forever
I've never robbed a bank but I am eating an apple next to my sleeping girlfriend and I imagine it's around the same level of pressure.
Damn girl, are you an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? Because your existence is offensive to me and I don't want to see you anymore.