*at the pet store* "birds are popular, huh?" "why do you say that?" "they're flying off the shelves" "get out"
if trump is right that bill clinton has said worse than trump has, then i agree with him that we shouldn't elect bill. let's go with hillary
fun news: i am scheduled to perform standup comedy on Conan this tuesday. thanks to everyone for everything! Link
trump says the women accusing him are looking for fame. you know, that sweet sweet got-sexually-assaulted fame. everyone's favorite fame.
i did standup last night on Conan O'Brien Presents: Team Coco. and "Weird Al" Yankovic was there. and Kate Micucci of Garfunkel and Oates. and Scarecrow most of all. it was fun! here's the me part. thanks for watching, sharing, ignoring, enjoying, whatever makes you happy, anything, something, good morning! Link