Last time I called shotgun, we had rented a limo... so I fucked up.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. It's like, "dude, you have to wait."
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.