Oscar night is when you find out who doesn't know where the lines between commenting on dresses, commenting on bodies, and rude as shit are.
Somehow, it has happened that Penelope thinks bras are called "eyebrows." As in, when I take off my shirt, she yells, "I SEE YOUR EYEBROWS!"
The local Camp Bow Wow is having a fundraiser. A $10/plate Spayghetti and No Balls dinner and Yappy Hour.
Sitting outside with my dogs sounds like one of those women's self-defense classes. "GO AWAY. GO AWAY. I SAID NO. THAT'S MY PURSE."