My Prince story: Took a girl to a late-night Paisley Park show. Bodyguard approached girl, "Want to meet Prince?" Never saw girl again. Fin.
Monday: all NYT employees check mailboxes; find Jimmy Hoffa burial map, audiotape of Jay framing Adnan, and last two Game of Thrones books.
...because Ben Affleck can now legally marry Matt Damon, that's why.