Due to budget cutbacks, Santa has outsourced present delivery to Yodel. Doesn't matter if you're naughty or nice, nothing will arrive.
Met a guy off Grindr this morning, he wanted me to come over and help him debug some C#. It was great fun, and totally without sex.
I'd rather eat meat, and enjoy my life and die young, than be miserable eating nuts and vegetables and live to 103 #horizon