Ivanka's baby's bris won't be on time, as he's been born orange... Via @cupvaser
If I win the $500 million lotto I'd buy every car in the world & donate them to kids. This way we'll never have to hear that jingle again!
Have you ever seen the light at the end of the tunnel...but then realized that the light is an Israeli bomb & that you're a Hamas terrorist?
I asked the waiter for Russian dressing... He seemed a bit puzzled & returned a few mins later with a picture of Putin putting on his pants.