Sometimes I lick the dentist's fingers when they're working on my teeth just to remind them who is in charge. #MyWeirdSecret
#IOnceOverheard my 10-year-old nephew say "I want a relationship like Jay Z & Beyoncé. But all I ever get is Cray-Z & Beyond-sane."
Global warming is like a bear chasing your family. You can relax because it's just gonna get your kids.