Doc: [staring at clipboard] how'd you dislocate your shoulder. Me: didn't want to make two trips to the car for groceries. Doc: respect.
Son, you can grow up to be anything you want. Except: 1. A Trump supporter 2. A meninist 3. An internet troll 4. A hipster
After buying a new car, I was detained for half an hour because the cop didn't believe "I could afford that car legally." #alivewhileblack