While you're at it, FBI, can you also force #Apple to suspend auto-correct when typing the F word? No one ever means "ducking." #AppleVsFBI
If #DeezNuts makes it through the primary I hope he chooses #DatAss as his running mate. Be nice to have a woman on the ticket. #America
Brazil just shot + killed their own mascot. The Olympics are off to a great start. #RIPJuma reut.rs/28QremG
Bomb scare at an @AnnCoulter book event here in Alaska. Anchorage cops here. Thankfully Ann brought enough Nicorette gum for everyone
Sometimes I love this country so much I just need to punch a stranger to show my patriotism. #GOPDebate
BREAKING: DONALD TRUMP IS DEGRADING TO WOMEN!
In lighter news, we are on the verge of World War III with Russia.