Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A great way to lose weight is to eat naked and stand in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you eat too much!
Every time I read "ROFL", I hear Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle."
Diet tip: If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner!
Every new McDonald's creates 40 jobs: 20 dentists and 20 heart surgeons!
Did you know cookie pieces contain no calories? The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage...
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I love Thanksgiving! Aside from the obvious reasons, it's also the only time in Los Angeles that one sees natural breasts!
27% of Americans ages 18-25 are too fat to go to war. Stand up for your anti-war beliefs (by staying seated)!
I will just assume that "bacon sandwich" means a piece of bacon between 2 other pieces of bacon.
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
I once knew a man who gave up beef, sweets and soft drinks. He was the picture of health right up to the day he killed himself!
I learned something today: It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you’ve done. Somewhere, there is a chili you simply cannot eat.
Veggie bacon?!? That sounds like a sign of the Apocalypse.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
They call it a root beer float because it's impossible for your spirits to sink while having one!
Diet Coke with lemon - didn’t that used to be called Pledge?
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. Hey, priorities!
It amazes me how they can pack so much Chinese food into such small containers. If only your pants worked the same way after you're done!