Scientists are baffled by Canadians' ability to watch movies and play video games and not shoot each other.
Like him or not, Ben Carson has forced us to ask some tough questions like "Have we been overestimating the intelligence of brain surgeons?"
I can't say "Fuck" on ABC and my 1st amendment survived. Think my 2nd amendment could survive having to reload after 6 shots.
Hey people who govern: You know how afraid you are of the NRA? That's NOTHING compared to the fear every parent shares today!
If video games are really the problem I think in the 80's we'd have heard a lot more stories of plumbers being assaulted with barrels.
.@realDonaldTrump Anyone who survives the degradation of years of captivity is a hero in my book. I don't know how Ivana Trump did it.
Weird to think that one day we're all gonna date Taylor Swift.
I know u love your guns. I feel the same way about my kids. But I bet u don't lie awake worrying that my kids will take your guns from you.
As an organ donor I wonder if there's some box I can check that might prevent my organs from keeping Dick Cheney alive?
Bieber arrested in Miami for behaving like a much better musician.
Saw Chris Brown on the Red Carpet so to recap: Side Boob not allowed, but Full Asshole totally cool. #Grammys
Obama says he'll meet you tonight on the beach in Atlantic City. RT @realDonaldTrump Not hearing much from Obama about my $5M offer.
"Marriage should be between a Man Cousin and a Woman Cousin." North Carolina Amendment 1 supporter
Kim Kardashian about to be famous for something coming OUT of her vagina. #CircleOfLife
Taylor Swift is better at pretending to be surprised when she wins than happy for the other artist when she loses. #GoldenGlobes
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you've got watch him walk through a spider web.
Richard Sherman is the answer to the question, "What if Kanye played football?"
Just watched my daughter text "LOL" to a friend without even cracking a smile & now I wonder if everything she's ever told me is a lie.