Scientists are baffled by Canadians' ability to watch movies and play video games and not shoot each other.
Hey people who govern: You know how afraid you are of the NRA? That's NOTHING compared to the fear every parent shares today!
If video games are really the problem I think in the 80's we'd have heard a lot more stories of plumbers being assaulted with barrels.
Weird to think that one day we're all gonna date Taylor Swift.
As an organ donor I wonder if there's some box I can check that might prevent my organs from keeping Dick Cheney alive?
Bieber arrested in Miami for behaving like a much better musician.
Saw Chris Brown on the Red Carpet so to recap: Side Boob not allowed, but Full Asshole totally cool. #Grammys
Obama says he'll meet you tonight on the beach in Atlantic City. RT @realDonaldTrump Not hearing much from Obama about my $5M offer.
"Marriage should be between a Man Cousin and a Woman Cousin." North Carolina Amendment 1 supporter
Kim Kardashian about to be famous for something coming OUT of her vagina. #CircleOfLife
Taylor Swift is better at pretending to be surprised when she wins than happy for the other artist when she loses. #GoldenGlobes
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you've got watch him walk through a spider web.
Richard Sherman is the answer to the question, "What if Kanye played football?"
Just watched my daughter text "LOL" to a friend without even cracking a smile & now I wonder if everything she's ever told me is a lie.
This is truly an historic day. Never before & never again will so many men be this excited about getting married. #Scotus
America will NEVER give in to the demands of terrorists! (unless they don't like our movies in which case we will fold like a beach chair.)
He may be in love, but I worry that by marrying a girl 54 years younger than himself Charles Manson runs the risk of coming off creepy.
New research shows that people who eat gluten are 97% less likely to talk about gluten than people who've stopped eating gluten. #Gluten
It's adorable watching Rick Perry say hateful things about gays in the military like he's still a real live candidate.